Category Archives: single life

The (triumphant?) return of Dude, Where’s My Boyfriend

I’m baa-aaaack!

Remember that time when I said I was going to be busy with moving and wouldn’t be able to post much but would return as soon as I could?  I’m sorry that that didn’t happen.

Here’s the thing: I love writing this blog, but sometimes it’s a little intimidating.  Given that this is a dating blog, I want my posts to share anecdotes, advice, and hilarities that are about, you know, dating.  This seemingly benign aspiration is somewhat complicated by the fact that sometimes I don’t do much dating.  I mean, I pretty much think about dating all the time, but those thoughts are often relegated to “Dating—now that’s something I’d really like to do again.  Where are all the men?”  I can’t help feeling kind of bad when I don’t have any romance-related occurrences to recount.  Of course, dry spells are a natural (well, at least for me…Bueller?  Bueller?) part of dating (or date-less) life.  Especially, I would add, during weird transition times like the one I’m currently in when you’re in a new place and don’t know many people and spend most nights re-watching Dawson’s Creek alone in bed with a big bowl of ice cream.  I haven’t gone on a date since this guy.

So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to continue writing on this thing under the assumption that somehow, some way, someday soon I will have more actual dates to write about and less single-person angst.  (I met a few guys at a bar last weekend, so maybe this isn’t as far-fetched as I’ve been thinking…right?  Right.)  But I need your help.  WordPress has this handy feature that tells me how many people read my blog, and I am so happy to see that there has been consistent traffic while I’ve been away.  I know you’re out there!  And I am enlisting you to send me your funny “Dudes Say the Darndest Things” quotes, wise guest posts, stories, letters, questions, whatever.  I want to hear from you and I want Dude Where’s My Boyfriend to be more than just a place where I spill my thoughts—I want everyone who reads and comments to take part.  Because if I’ve learned anything from my dating life thus far, it’s that the friends who like to listen to your dating wins and woes are definitely keepers.  Stay tuned and get at me!

 

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And now for something completely different…

Remember yesterday’s post?  Here’s a tone shift.

Last weekend I attended a cousin’s wedding on Cape Cod.  I haven’t reached the age when my friends are getting married yet, so I haven’t been to many and I’m no expert, but this one was everything a wedding should be, at least as I see it: the whole thing, the ceremony, the dinner, the dancing, reflected the couple’s personality perfectly.  The love between them was palpable; the bride screamed “Yay!” when it was all over and they were officially married.  It was moving and exuberant and everyone there felt it.

The thing about weddings that always surprises me—and perhaps this is particular to me because I’m single, though my hunch is that others must feel it too—is the strange blending of emotions.  This wasn’t the first wedding I’ve been to where the bride cried the whole way down the aisle, and both she and the groom cried during the vows and pronouncement.  Most of the guests cried, too; afterward, I think we all felt a little exhausted.  In a good way, I mean—it was a beautiful wedding, and the tears were for happiness, for the excitement of the newlyweds as they walked back down the aisle hand in hand.  And yet, I felt sadness, too.  Of course I’d feel sad—I can only aspire to the kind of love they have, and I felt shut out of something so singularly theirs.  I felt jealous.  I felt, suddenly, like my romantic future must be very bleak by comparison.  It sounds selfish, but I think I cried as much for my own sense of hurt, of left-out-ness, of disappointment, as for their touching declarations and promises.

The truth is, I have many details of my own wedding picked out already, including but not limited to the first dance and the flower arrangements.  Is that silly?  Maybe.  Sometimes when I think about the possibility that it all might happen I get just as choked up as I did at my cousin’s wedding.  [Insert readerly eyebrow-raises about my bizarre fantasy life and over-emotionality here.]  It’s hard for me to believe that I could ever find someone willing to put up with me forever, let alone proclaim me as the person he wants to be with publicly.  It seems far away and impossible.  I feel very worried that I’ll have to continue being the single one while everyone else gets married, when it’s eventually the right time for me to get married, that at every wedding I’ll have to keep changing the subject when my relatives ask why I don’t have a boyfriend.  I’d really like to meet someone, but I don’t want to rush and settle.  I feel unhappy about many of my past relationships, and it is hard to keep my chin up and continue chugging along, trying to enjoy as much of my single life as I can and hoping that one day I’ll have a partner.  It’s scary to embark on so many things alone.

The posts I’ve been writing lately seem so bipolar to me: they celebrate being single, or they condemn it.  If they’re confusing and contradictory, it’s because that’s how my dating life feels—I want to be with someone, but there’s no one at hand.  I’m in this limbo, literally in-between homes, when I’m not dating at all—can’t, really, at this juncture.  And I’ve been holding myself back from romantic encounters, too—I go on dates, I have crushes, but I’m slow to act because so many times I haven’t been, and I want my relationships to be sure and deliberate from here on out.  It feels really good to know what I want and to be waiting for it.  It also feels really frustrating.

The upshot, I guess, is that with all these Feelings, I’m going to make a great bridezilla when the time comes.

The ghost of relationships past

Being home at my parents’ house while I’m in the process of moving has brought on my usual activity of going through my millions of papers, leading me to stumble across this excellent collection of post-it notes.  I wrote these a few years ago when a guy I really, really liked told me he didn’t want to spend time together anymore.  I was devastated.  I put them all over my mirror, theoretically to remind myself that being single is okay, awesome even—but really because I couldn’t bear to see myself looking like crap (lots of crying) in addition to feeling like crap.  Now they are a hilarious relic of my dating past!  If you want to read a killer post about the merits of being single, check out this one, but I think I’ve got a few nuggets of wisdom in here too…

New life philosophy

Who’s with me?

Top ten reasons why being single rocks

(Let’s be real–I had to make this list eventually.)

1. You get the bed–and all the covers–to yourself.  This is kind of a no-brainer, but it’s still a really, really excellent perk.  As someone who has dated many a jock who takes up a lot of space, waking up and not being pressed up against the wall with no room to roll over never loses its novelty.

2. Forget about shaving your legs.  Or, um, anything else you might like to shave.  No one will notice if you take a day–or hell, a week–off.

Why bother?

3. Playing the field.  Dating around gives you the opportunity to meet a ton of different people with different interests, talents, and quirks.  Even though dating can be awkward and get tiring after a while, it can also be fun to put yourself out there.  If nothing else, it’s an excuse to look nice and have something to look forward to.

4. You are Charles.  Remember that awesome tv show Charles in Charge?  You, single lady, are in charge of your own life.  You still have to think about others and their feelings, but ultimately your decisions are in service of you.  Being single brings with it a great sense of freedom.

5. No cringe-worthy introductions.  Since you’re flying solo, you don’t have to go through the painful moments of introducing your significant other to your family and friends.  Your mom doesn’t have the opportunity to show him your ugly baby photos (I’m sure you were a cute baby–but still) and your dad doesn’t have to engage in a sham of male bonding while he tries to scope out whether this dude is good enough for his daughter.  Phew!

6. More time for your gal-pals.  Relationships require love and compromise and blah, blah, blah. Mostly, they require time.  Time that you can instead spend forging great friendships with your girlfriends.  These are the people who stay constant in your life while you’re going through a revolving door of dates.  Just don’t ditch ’em when you finally do find Mr. Right.

We are Woman. Hear us roar.

7. No uncertainty.  You know how at the beginning of a relationship there’s that weird period when you’re still trying to figure out what you are and what you mean to each other?  When you’re single, there’s no ambiguity.

8. You can eat the whole cake.  Why do guys always want to share stuff?  If I ordered this dessert, I’d prefer to eat it by myself, thankyouverymuch.  Get your own!

9. No toilet seat left up, no remnants of his beard clogging your sink.  Need I say more?

10. You can dance authentically to Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies.”  It makes the song that much better.  Now put your hands up!

I totally look just like this when I dance.