Growing up, I was obsessed with Louise Rennison’s Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging series. What twelve year old girl could be immune to books written in hilarious and probably made-up British slang with titles like On the Bright Side, I’m Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God and Knocked Out By My Nunga-Nungas (nunga-nungas being breasts, of course, because of the sound they make when someone gropes them and then lets them go).
I was captivated by Georgia Nicholson’s witty confessions, and gratified to meet a character whose over-the-top boy craziness matched my own. Though she never managed to pluck her eyebrows quite right or act cool when the dreamy Robbie sang her his original ballads, her perseverance was admirable. And would she ever realize that she and Dave The Laugh were meant to be? I was hooked.
Ten years later, I have to admit that I still find these books highly entertaining. What’s more, they provide terminology that’s as applicable to the romantic rambles of a pre-professional as it is to a pre-teen. Take Rennison’s delineation of horniness, for example. If you thought that “horny” only had one standard definition, my you were wrong. There’s the Particular Horn, when you have only one paramour, the General Horn when you’re crushing on several people, and the Cosmic Horn when you’re hot for everything that moves beneath the sun.
What’ll it be, folks? For this single future cat lady, the Cosmic Horn comes closest to approximating my horn-status: a few vague interests, but mostly I just want to go on a date with ANYONE who will ask. (Okay, not ANYONE, but you get my drift.) It will have to do for now—until, like Georgia, I become the girlfriend of a fab Sex God.